I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
