My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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