My Higher Power is John Stamos
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
