What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
