So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
