I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
