If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
