I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
