Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
