We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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