i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
