Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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