I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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