Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
