I'd wear matching sweaters with you
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
