Define "chronic" masturbator.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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