I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
