I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
