I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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