He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
