just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
