He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
