If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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