That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
