I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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