i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
