we made out on top of his cat.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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