My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
