my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
