So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
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I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
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omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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