Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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