So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
