I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
God, you're like boner-b-gone
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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