I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why did my mother make you get naked?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
