I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
