you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
