Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
