FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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