Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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