mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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