pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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