so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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