Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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