it wasn't lemon gatorade
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
