I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
