I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
