his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
