I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
