Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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