I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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