hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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