I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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