I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
In America we eat man semen.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
