If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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