My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
