I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
