Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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