im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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