You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
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Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
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Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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