My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
