this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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