i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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