i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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