I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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