i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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