Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
