why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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