I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
