wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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